Feel the Fear

As much as I hate to admit it, I used to allow fear to paralyze me to the point where I’d end up not doing what I had intended to do. I would wallow in my current situation simply because I was too scared to speak up, too scared to make a change or too scared to actually do what I wanted to do. As someone who likes the excitement that comes with change I felt like my life was ticking on by, but I wasn’t actually LIVING it. In the age of Instagram quotable quotes and everyone flaunting their faux fearlessness I battle to believe that I’m the only woman out here who battles with fear. By fear I’m not talking about the adrenaline that pumps through your veins like electricity before a bungee jump. I’m talking the feeling that settles into the pit of your stomach when you are about to make decisions, put plans into action and have conversions that alter your life. Being afraid should not and will not hinder me. I’ve started making an effort to embrace the fear and do it anyway. As scary as that is.

Over time I have become better and I guess it will always be something I’m constantly working towards. Starting this blog took longer than usual not only because my web developer and I didn’t see eye to eye on a few occasions. Being afraid of what people might say, wondering if I even had the following to make this worth while and wondering how people would receive “yet another fashion blog” made me work slower than usual and drag my feet. Shooting these images was a struggle too. I kept asking myself whether I was actually going to post images of myself clad in only lyrca and a bra on my site for the world to see. *cringe!* My abs aren’t perfect, my body isn’t the illusive hourglass shape and I promise you when I clicked “publish” on that first workout inspired post, I had my eyes shut tightly. Knowing it was work pushed me to just do it, and in the end I thought “Fuck it! These images are pretty dope”.

One of the biggies I’ve been PETRIFIED of this year is buying my own property . Friends ask me why I don’t seem excited about it but as Tamar Braxton would say, I’m nerv-xcited. I’m so nervous that I’ll be accumulating the most amount of debt I ever have in my life. I’m nervous I’ll be embarking on this journey on my own. I’m nervous I’ll be stuck in debt that affects my lifestyle and the dreams I’ve set out for myself. My nervousness casts a dark cloud over my excitement which is absolutely unnecessary. I should be celebrating this time (This is a massive investment, which I should be proud to be undertaking on my own!) but instead I’m worried about something I’m going ahead with anyway. So, I’m making a conscious decision to stop robbing myself of life’s pleasures just because I’m afraid.

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Sports X Back Bra – c/o Fit ‘n Fabulous Boutique

Crop Dessert Dweller Leggings – c/o Fit ‘n Fabulous Boutique

Trainers – Nike Roshe DMB at Superbalist